Year ago when I was in a course by Landmark Education called The Wisdom Course, this woman came up to me and said “Maria, the reason why you’re single is because you’re too powerful. Men are intimidated by you”, you should do this course called Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women.
Whether THAT statement was true or not is debatable, but it was enough to get me to register for the weekend long course. I love personal growth and development courses at any level.
It was an amazing course by the way. It explains men from a fundamental, biological place. Not like EVERY MAN is this way, but it gives insights to how many of them are. Many times when my sisters or a friend is cranky with their boyfriend/husband, I’ll quote from this course.
Here are a few excerpts (please note that this is not necessarily my point of view, but it’s interesting):
“Men are single focused, ‘hunt the deer, hunt the deer, hunt the deer’. And when a man is courting you, you’re the deer, and everyone at work is hoping that he will soon catch you, because he is totally useless”.
“Men live to make their woman happy”.
“A man will not marry a woman he has decided he cannot make happy”
“When your man does something for you and it’s clearly because he wants you to be happy! BE HAPPY, because then he’ll do it again”
source (This scarf in this colourway is very hard to find)
When my sister opened up the walls between her kitchen and living room and got the white kitchen of her dreams last year, as soon as it was finished, she turned around and thought “But now my living from furniture looks tired”. And, because I shared this course with her, she laughed when she called me and said “My husband can’t hear anything else right now but how madly in love I am with my new $40,000 kitchen!”
She is a smart woman. Be happy with what you have now and the living room furniture will come.
“Men are driven to win and they can’t read your mind.” So to help them win, especially when it comes to gift giving time, either tell him exactly what you want or if you like it to be a surprise, get a file and fill it with clippings of things that you like, or create a digital wish list on Pinterest, like this one. Then he’ll go there, find something you like and know that you’re guaranteed to be happy because you don’t know exactly what he’s chosen.
Now you’re happy, he’s happy, it’s a win, win situation all around.
Until Pinterest came along, I thought there should be a website in general where EVERYONE should go and post things that they love. Then when it’s your Birthday, your friends and family go there and buy you exactly what you want. So simple.
Everyone should be ‘registered’ like this all the time. It would be so much easier for all of us to get exactly what we want.
It’s like goal setting. You have a much stronger chance of getting where you want to go if you practice setting goals. It shocks me every time I review my goals on this blog how much of what I wanted gets accomplished.
(I still want this art by Bobbie Burgers in my living room, unfortunately she doesn’t paint these big flowers anymore) source
Presents are the same. If you don’t tell anyone what you want, you probably won’t get it. And most likely, you have a drawer or storage room full of presents you re-gift, sell at garage sales, or just pretend to like when you occasionally pull them out to wear or use in front of the person who bought it for you.
So for you guys out here that are reading this? You’re welcome, haha.
Get pinning everyone. This is for all of you, not just for the men.
Related posts:
White Kitchen Cabinets: Advice for my Sister
10 Things I want for Christmas in 2011
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I had to laugh reading this, because I have told my fourteen year old many times, “Your father cannot read your mind. No man can. Get used to it. If you want a man to know what you are thinking, Tell Him.”
I used to let my husband guess at what I might want. He bought me three presents in a row that were the gifts of *his* dreams.
As an experiment, I tried telling him that I wished I had a particular piece of jewelry. He not only bought it — he said, “Surprise!” 🙂 The secret (for us) seems to be that I tell him what I want but don’t associate the wanting with a particular holiday or birthday. Therefore, he gets to surprise me every time!
Love this!
This is hysterical!! I don’t know about all of the statements from the course, but this whole gift thing totally resonates with me. My husband loves to get me gifts I want, but he hates me telling him. In fact, any overt telling or obvious hinting will cause him NOT to buy it, because then he feels like it’s not a surprise. He is a bit afraid of pinterest ;), so I try to hint OR (even more successfully), get my good friends to tell him. Just got some gorgeous handmade pottery pieces from a local artist for my birthday with this method.
Well…I don’t know what I’m doing wrong! I have a wish list on my computer very prominently labeled Cyndia’s Wish List, and a Wish List on Amazon that my hubby knows about. He just forgets to check them!
I have another tip that works well for me. If there is something I want around the house and my husband has procrastinated for long enough, I ask for that as a gift (birthday, Christmas, Mother’s Day, anniversary). I might say, “For my birthday, I want new outdoor sconces on the house.” He seems to like that…and soon, it’s done! I’ve gotten a new ceiling light fixture in the living room that way, and new carpeting for the bedroom. I’m not sure why this system works for me, but when I ask for the item for a specific date that involves making me happy, he is more motivated somehow. The best example of this just happened. I said that for my birthday I wanted to have the front steps repaired–something we have needed to do for a long time. He got VERY motivated, and not only had the steps repaired but had the whole front porch restyled and rebuilt. It’s beautiful, and I tell him often how happy it has made me! Now, let’s see…what’s next? : )
The old adage of wisdom comes with age is so true because the older I get, the wiser I become. I started figuring out as I got older that men (most) are really not that complicated and are singularly focused as you said. That’s one of the reasons they (most) are not able to multi-task or problem solve. They are just not cut out of the same cloth as women. And you are so right…they do like to keep us happy. I will mention this to my 3 daughters. So thanks for reminding us about that and I do love your idea of the Pinterest “wish list”. That is going to be one of my tasks for today. Love you, Maria!
Susan,
The best problem solvers in my life are men. I know many who multi-task. True they can’t figure us out and are simple communicators.
Maria, thank you for sharing. Good advise to pass on to my daughter. I have told my daughter and sister of gifts I want and they have told my husband and now I know why that worked so well. Will be doing it this Christmas. Did you learn anything about knowing what they want. I struggle every year with knowing what to buy him.
Wow! This is so true! When they do something positive you reinforce it! Positive attention vs negative attention! Who wouldn’t prefer the positive!
This is so obvious, but it is so easy to forget!
Thank you for reminding me
Hi Maria,
I’m curious if Bobbie Burgers knows how much you would LOVE one of her paintings? Maybe she could paint one just for you. 🙂
Have a very Merry Christmas!
loved your posting Wish this program, Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women, was run in Ontario.
Merry Christmas
In my twenties I had my first serious boyfriend. I dreamed of romantic christmas gifts…namely jewelry! I rec’d flannel pj’s so we could “cuddle”. Ooh, I was mad! Until my older sister pointed out that there was no way for him to know what I wanted unless I told him. Duh. Older sisters, the sages of manly wisdom. I still hope for jewelry!
I would love to see how your sister’s kitchen turned out if that’s possible. I’m usually happy with whatever I get, but my BF knows I like books. His forays into clothing are too classic, but I like that he thought of me.
Love the Pinterest idea. Now how to get him to look at it…
Our family exchanges wish lists every year. This way we know we’re giving/getting something that is wanted, but no one ever knows until the day exactly what is coming, or from whom. So, a bit of the surprise is still there. We’re careful to let the others know when we “claim” something, so no duplicates happen. It works really well, no one has to pretend they like something, no returns, and it’s also a lot easier to shop!
Merry Christmas to you and your family!
Here’s another idea to try with your man. Close to the date of said event (Birthday, Christmas etc). Go out shopping together and take him to your favourite shop where you have already chosen several items that you really like. As you wander around the store together point them out and then walk out and busy yourself elsewhere, so he is free to pick out which gift he’d like to buy you. This has been a win, win for me and my partner as I get things I’ve been coveting, it’s a surprise
and he still gets to choose. : – )
Good advice, but I’ve found it’s just easier for me to buy my own gifts than stress over my husband choosing stuff for me. He has a history of buying me really great (or really bad) stuff. Now he just buys stocking stuffers while I order a few things for myself, wrap them and wait until Christmas. It works for me, and I always get exactly what I want!
You’re single??? No way!!!
Great article. Having gone through a few…men that is….I can totally confirm this to be true. And as for gifts, …Putting it out in the universe any which way is always a good start.